She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
