Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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