If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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