It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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