Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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