I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
