We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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