Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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