It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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There's always time for handjobs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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