she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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