I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
