obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
