can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
