Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
