just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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