I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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