Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize