The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish my penis had an off switch
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
