I didn't shave. On purpose
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
