OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
