i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize