i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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