I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.