The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.