And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.