Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug