no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?