It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
