no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
