Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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