Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
