Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
