When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
