Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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