Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would punch a child for taco bell
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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