The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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