I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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