I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
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Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
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I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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