Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just found puke in my bra..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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