I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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