i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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