I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
