Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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