peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.