you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
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WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me