just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
