im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
