we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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