My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
