We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
