are you so shy because you have an std?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me