BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"