I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.