I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night