it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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