he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
