Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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