I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like