eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst