In the future we'll all be gay
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.