Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.