Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime