there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.