You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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